


Good Old Fashioned Loverboy

by Kaydiebug177



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, abusivehome, alltheyoungdudes, jily, siriusblack - Freeform, slowburn, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29636472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaydiebug177/pseuds/Kaydiebug177
Summary: All The Young Dudes by MsKingBean89, following Sirius Black's perspective. First year through the war, updating either a chapter a day or a burst of chapters every few days, depending on how editing is going. Please leave comment and let me know what you think! Every single comment makes my day:)CW: Child abuse
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 19
Kudos: 55





	1. First Year: Disapointment

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [All the Young Dudes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10057010) by [MsKingBean89](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsKingBean89/pseuds/MsKingBean89). 



Sirius Black had never been one for sitting still, and the weeks leading up to his first year at Hogwarts were certainly no exception. From the moment his letter had arrived, he’d been in constant motion, tapping his feet at the table, ignoring the increasingly common glares from his mother, sliding down the banisters, rolling around in bed. He wasn’t sure what he was waiting for exactly. It wasn’t as though Slytherin wasn’t filled with his own family anyways. But still, he reasoned, it would at least mean his mother would spend her time missing him, rather than scolding him. Unfortunately, his mother seemed to have realized this as well, and was trying to make up the time.

In the last week alone, Sirius could not name one trait he possessed she hadn’t criticized him for. He was too loud, too disrespectful, even going as far as to say he was not nearly attractive enough to carry on the Black name. He had to scoff at that, ignoring his mothers screeches as he pushed past her up to his room. He was used to this. So used to it, it didn’t even hurt him anymore, he tried to tell himself. What surprised him was the lack of follow through on his mothers part. Ordinarily a single eye roll would have had him ordered across the couch, as his mother cut into his legs with her wand, lecturing him about the importance of family loyalty.

This summer was different. He’d gotten a quick knock on the head from his father here and there, and more than sufficient tongue lashings where his mother was concerned, but nothing more. Perhaps they’d finally realized nothing worked on him, and were leaving him to be the lost cause he wanted to be. Deep down he knew they would never just let him be. If Regulus were older maybe, or if Andromeda hadn’t already thrown away her inheritance for Narcissa, but as it was, Sirius has a sneaking suspicion he wouldn’t be able to get away with this flippant attitude forever.

The one solace he found that summer came not from accepting his situation, and trying to do better, a suggestion given timidly by his brother one day, after a particularly bad argument, but from escaping it entirely. His Uncle Alphard, who perhaps was the last family member he could stand apart from Andromeda, had always loved books. He was always slipping Sirius a new one, at every required family gathering, and when he passed he had left him the remainder of his muggle library, carefully concealed in a pile of robes from Sirius' parents of course. He’d always been the one to understand Sirius’ need to get away.

Sirius had vowed to spend the summer reading through them all, but after getting only a few books deep, he found himself stuck on The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. He reread the pages between Huck and his father until they began to fold in at the corner, unable to put into words how familiar it all felt. Every time he shut the book, _three weeks til Hogwarts_ ran through his head like a prayer, until three weeks became two, became one, became a mere few days. For the first summer of his life, he’d managed to go months without any sort of punishment from his mother. The pit in his stomach alone should have told him it was too good to be true.

  
All it took was the mere idea of future freedom for him to unlearn every bit of discretion he’d had to teach himself the last eleven years of his life. He didn’t know what possessed him to do it, he really didn’t but Regulus was just so _full of himself_.

Regulus was exactly like the rest of them in Sirius’ eyes. Nosy, nose in the air, selfish. Sirius couldn’t wait to be rid of him, at least for the year. He usually made a point to avoid him as much as he did his parents, though Regulus seemed to have not gotten the memo. If he had his way he would have followed his brother into the bath. It wasn’t a problem when Sirius could put his trunk in front of his bedroom door, and charm it shut for extra protection, but this summer he’d grown reckless.

It was only a few days before he left for school, and he couldn’t help feel a sense of inflated invincibility he’d later regret. He’d grown tired of his room, and confining himself there. He was itching to be anywhere else, and just the tiniest bit sentimental about his house, so in a moment of mental lapse he’d picked up Huckleberry Finn, and made himself comfortable in the green velvet chair at the head of the empty dining room table. He’d reasoned it all out, there was no reason for anyone to come in here. There were no events, Kreacher was off running errands for his father, it should have been a larger, brighter version of his lonely bedroom. He hadn’t counted on Regulus hearing his bedroom door open. He hadn’t been thinking of Regulus at all, until he heard the large doors to the dining room open with a dignified creak.

Sirius shoved the book underneath him, but it was no use. Regulus had seen the pages flutter, and even if he hadn’t Sirius’ face would have given him away in an instant.

“Get out” He insisted harshly, before Regulus could say a word.

“Or else what? You’ll tell mother?” Regulus teased. It appeared he was trying to be good natured for once, but unfortunately for him, Sirius was not. He started to nod, but his brother snorted in his face. “Please, I’ll tell her about whatever book you’re sitting on, and we’ll see who she decides to punish.” Sirius pushed himself up from the table abruptly.

“You’re a rat, Regulus. Get away from me” He tried to keep his tone light, as though it weren’t of any significance to him either way. He ignored his heart pounding in his ears at the thought of his mother finding the book. Regulus eyes Sirius curiously.

“I won’t tell,” He said finally. Sirius relaxed his shoulder subtly, jerking his chin in his brother's direction.

“Of course you won’t, you-” Sirius wasn’t sure how he would have finished that sentence, if he hadn’t been cut off.

“I won’t tell if you show me,” Regulus fought to keep the excitement out of his voice.

Sirius thought for a moment. He could either cave, and share his one comfort with his brother, or tell him to bugger off, and be left to deal with his mother. Neither seemed very appealing, but he could feel a dull throbbing in the back of his legs, as he always did when he was nervous, and decided it wouldn’t kill him to read with Regulus. It was his own fault for trying to get some air anyways, and besides, maybe there could be hope for his brother yet. He doubted it, but he tried to be an optimistic person. Things were rotten enough without him making it worse for himself by sulking about.

“Fine. Come here, and be quiet,” He whispered, Regulus obeyed in an instant, an involuntary grin spreading across his face as he peered over the arm of the chair. Sirius flipped instinctively through the pages, allowing himself to become more animated as he explained the plot. He could feel Regulus breathing when he did, leaning in closer. It was almost nice to be on the same page. It took so much energy to be at odds with him all the time, Sirius had almost forgotten that they used to get along quite well.

“And his father, Pap is awful to him, kind of like ours, but then he-” He rambled on, stopping for air.

“What do you mean ‘like ours.’” Regulus interrupted, straightening up from his position against Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius stopped reading, and met his brother's eye incredulously, cursing himself. How incredibly stupid of him, to think Regulus could go more than a few minutes without being a prat.

“Like ours.” He repeated a little more forcefully. “He needs to be right all the time, smacks his kids around, has a stick up his-”

“He smacks _you_ around.” Regulus corrected, taking a step back. “He wouldn’t hurt me. Just because you provoke him all the time doesn’t mean he’s a bad father.”  
Regulus, even at age ten, was already skilled at keeping his voice level, forcing his opponent to raise their own, making them look crazy. Sirius knew this, it was a tactic used by most of his family, and yet he fell for it anyways.

“I provoke him! Regulus, you’ve got to be kidding me. What do I do? Tell me what I do besides exist.” He dared his brother, chucking the book halfway across the table as he raised his arms in frustration. Regulus shrugged coldly.

“Maybe that’s enough” He was intentionally being cruel. Sirius could see that. He didn’t think for a moment his brother believed anything he was saying, nor did he particularly care.

“Why can’t we do one damn thing together. Why do you have to be like this!” Sirius shouted in frustration. Regulus took another step back, this time out of fear.

“Be like what?” He asked, unable to keep a slight shake out of his otherwise still cold voice. It was an interesting contrast, that snobbish Black family tone that usually struck fear into whoever it was directed at, coming out of the squeaky throat of a boy who could barely see over the dining table.

“Like them. You’re exactly like the lot of them. I don’t know why I even try” Sirius said back, lowering his voice again. “Just get out then.” He swallowed. Regulus didn’t move. “Get OUT!” Sirius felt his anger burst out of him. Coming from that deep pit he’d been ignoring for the last few weeks. He reached out a skinny arm and dug his nails into Regulus’s shoulder through his shirt, and shoved him back. Regulus’ cries came in perfect sync with the sound of the dining room doors being thrown open.

Walburga Black stood tall over the scene, and watched Sirius shrink into himself as Regulus pushed himself up from the floor, and ran to her side.  
“Sirius.” She said, the Black voice Regulus had been channeling taking full effect. She stepped towards him slowly, her robes gliding behind her so it hardly seemed she had taken a step at all. Merely moved in his direction like a dark cloud. She reached out a bony hand, and picked up the book from the table the way one might pick up a spoiled handkerchief. Her eyes moved from her son so the cover of the book, printed with a plastic sheen that couldn’t be explained as anything other than muggle technology.

“You dare-”Her eyes glistened with anger as she ripped the cover from the book, barely looking at it as she continued to rip out pages as she spoke.“Defy your father-”  
There went the first half, Sirius’ fingerprint covered pages falling to the ground.  
“Defy _Me_.”  
Sirius did not meet her eyes, instead felt his heart weighed down by each page, resolving not to let any of his own tears fall until he was back in the safety of his room.  
“Insult your very family name, the name your brother knows to wear proudly!” She dropped the back cover of the book into the ground, and placed a heavy heel over it, tearing the pages further as she ground them beneath her feet.

  
“At least I can be assured you’re a Slytherin” She said, this time looking past him, as though talking to herself. She quickly refocused, grabbing his arm before Sirius could react or move away.  
“You were raised better than this.” This was directed at him, without question, as Sirius felt himself dragged away from the dining room, tripping over his own feet on the way to his fathers study. Her words echoed in his head, giving him something to ponder as he felt his body pushed down onto his fathers couch like a doll. He should have argued, he would have ordinarily, but he couldn’t find it in him then.

 _At least I can be assured you’re a Slytherin_. Was he? He always knew he would be. Every Black for the last 500 years had been a Slytherin, he had no reason to think he was particularly exceptional. Still her words cut him, worse than the familiar sting of the _lacero_ curse across his calves.

“You must learn discipline, Sirius.” She was saying. “You must learn how to behave like a Black,” He was a Black. He couldn’t deny it, or pretend he wanted to. He was Sirius Black. A Slytherin. His family's greatest disappointment, which made it all so much worse. He could ignore the sneers, and the resentment he felt by the rest of the wizarding world when they went out in public, but where did that leave him to turn to? He squeezed his eyes shut, until he heard his mother close the door to the office, leaving him lying there, a sense of finality fell over him despite her lack of any sort of parting words.

He didn’t need them. He pulled himself off the couch carefully. Was this his Slytherin resolve? He thought to himself bitterly. His noble sense of dignity and self preservation that kept him from crying out? He didn’t let himself limp until he stepped into his room, knowing even the portraits eyes were on him. He didn’t even realize his tears had started to fall, until he saw droplets hit the books strewn around the ground in front of him.

Dropping to his knees and cringing, he began to gather them in his arms, throwing them into the trunk his parents had bought him for school, and covering them with his uniform robes. His mother would burn them if she saw them, then probably burn him as well. He packed the tie his mother had bought last, green and silver striped, if he were anyone else, it would be presumptuous to buy a house tie before he had even stepped foot into Hogwarts, but he wasn’t. He was Sirius Black. He would be a Slytherin. He could not see much point in getting up off his floor, it would only hurt him more. He stayed there in a haze,barely blinking, for longer than he cared to admit.

 _Three days until Hogwarts_ , he whispered to himself, but it no longer sounded like the encouraging mantra it had been. Now it sounded like a threat, a promise that rather than a new beginning, spending the next seven years in Slytherin house would only be more of what he’d always known: disappointment.


	2. First Year: The Sorting

Regulus didn’t come with them to the station. In fact he didn’t speak to Sirius at all the remaining few days before Hogwarts. He knocked once, and Sirius could hear him pacing outside his bedroom door for nearly an hour, though neither boy said a word. He retreated to his own room when Sirius left, and his parents didn’t bother making him say goodbye. 

Sirius had been to Kings Cross before, picking up any number of cousins, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever really appreciated its beauty. Some may have called it dusty, crowded, filled with smoke and sweat, and old sandwich wrappers, but Sirius felt like he was seeing for the first time. He marveled at the shining trains, the collection of people who would never be all in one place again. The opportunities it brought him. Breathing in the polluted air, he felt as though he were standing in the middle of an open field for all the freedom it represented.

He let himself wander away from his parents, if only by a few feet, eyeing the Hogwarts Express with wonder. He could see inside the windows, if he squinted, and he began to walk closer to the edge of the platform. There was a skinny boy sitting by the window in the platform closest to him. He seemed to be studying the platform with the same intensity Sirius had for the train, only this boy had a rather sour expression on his face. He made a face at Sirius through the glass, putting on what seemed to be an oddly tough front for such a young boy. Sirius couldn’t help but smirk, recognizing his own tricks in someone else for once. He was about to signal for the boy to meet him, when he felt his mother pull his arm sharply. 

He huffed to himself as she began to drag him down the platform, his father lecturing beside him. 

“Be sure to tell Horace I send my regards, and do be careful not to mouth off to him. You’re to listen to Bellatrix and Narcissa, mind them. Be respectful, Sirius. Sirius are you listening to me?” His father asked sharply. Sirius sighed dramatically.

“Yes father. I’m to mind my cousins, say hello to Slughorn-”

“ _Professor_ Slughorn. Sirius at least _try_ to be dignified. There will be no running around with blood traitors and the likes. No disrespecting teachers the way you do us. We have-”

Sirius interrupted him, finishing the sentence he’d heard so many times before. 

“We have a reputation to uphold as part of the House of Black. Yes, father I _know”_ He insisted, as impatient as he dared. His mother dropped his arm, spinning him to face them.

“Right” Orion said, his tone all business. “You’re off then?” Sirius nodded slowly, as though simplifying himself for their sakes. His mother narrowed her eyes.

“Christmas then. Write us after the sorting.” She instructed. Sirius nodded again, glancing around them at the station. There were no parting hugs, just bobble-headed prolonged looks, until his parents turned and made their way back up the platform, leaving Sirius alone at last. 

It didn’t last more than a moment. As soon as he stepped on the train his cousins, Narcissa and Bellatrix, swooped in beside him, Bellatrix giving almost an identical lecture to his father, though if possible even more haughtily. Narcissa was talking over her, listing names of relatives, and distant relatives, and people Sirius was to avoid at all costs. He made no attempts to hide his eye rolls and dramatic sighs from them. Neither of the girls actually seemed to look at him at all, if you asked Sirius they seemed to be trying to outdo each other rather than tell him anything of use. What good Blacks they were, he thought, chuckling to himself. Narcissa snapped her fingers. 

“Sirius. We’re off now, if you need anything come through the Slytherin compartment, we’ll save a seat for you.” She said. Sirius was already walking away.

“Thanks, but I think I’d rather jump out of the train as it were” Bellatrix made a face that could only be described as constipated, but instead of retaliating, she merely turned in a huff and walked away, Narcissa trailing delicately behind her.

Sirius gave a sigh of relief, recalling the list of names Narcissa had given him, and vowing to befriend as many of them as he could. He wandered through the corridors, skipping slightly as he went, puffing up his chest as he passed each new compartment. He paced for a few minutes, drawing up the courage to enter one.

He could hear a loud voice erupt from behind the door next to him, and in a moment of impulse pushed open the door without bothering to look if it was even full of first years.

“None of you are related to me, are you?” He asked quickly, only half joking. He took in the other boys, relieved to see they did look about his age. He was surprised to see that he’d ended up back in front of the angry looking boy he’d seen from the platform, who was now joined by two others. One had large, crooked glasses set on a small flushed face, the other was round, with sandy features. The flushed boy glanced around the compartment, clearly amused.

“Don’t think so. James Potter” He said, extending his hand and smiling widely. Sirius returned the expression. Potter had been on Narcissa and his fathers list of names.

“Oh good. A Potter. Dad told me not to talk to you!” He said excitedly, getting the feeling this boy, James, would find being a taboo something to be proud of. Sirius introduced himself, flopping down next to the angry boy, who still hadn’t said a word.

“Black?” James asked incredulously. “Well then.” He did not press the matter, as Sirius offered no explanation besides a nod. James jerked his head towards the round boy, who was staring at Sirius as though he were an exhibit. Sirius stuck his tongue out at him. 

“This is Peter, Peter Pettigrew” James said importantly, clearly thinking Peter’s last name would hold some effect over Sirius. It didn’t. 

The Pettigrews were one of the few sacred 28 that had never married into the Blacks, though their families had never had any real problems. _Until now._ Sirius thought to himself, already taking a dislike to Peter's invasive stares. 

The room grew quiet as all eyes wandered to the angry boy. It was clear James and Peter knew each other already, but Sirius was surprised to hear James refer to the angry boy by name.

“Remus?” He asked. The boy sat silently still, extending a quiet hand to Sirius, which he shook instinctively.

“What kind of a name is Remus?” Sirius joked, trying to lighten the mood. Anything to make this boy stop looking at him with such intensity. It wasn’t as insensitive as Peter’s curiosity, but perhaps cruder. Remus didn’t seem to like him, and Sirius was pretty sure he returned the favor. Remus wrinkled his brow.

“What kind of a name is Sirius?” He asked back. Sirius turned up one corner of his mouth, the other lagging behind in his grin until it spread slowly across his entire face, teeth showing. He nodded, knowing Remus would take it as a sign of respect, and turned back to James.

“So what house do you think you’ll be in?” He asked, with fake casualty. James' face lit up at the question.

The remainder of the train ride was filled by James’ voice, loudly telling the story of his fathers time in Gryffindor, and Peter butting in with the occasional correction. Remus did not say another word.

By the time they stepped off the train, Sirius had learned that James and Peter were childhood friends, and that James was dead set on being a Gryffindor. He learned he and James both loved quidditch, though James seemed to border on obsession, and that the boys seemed to share a quick sense of humor. He felt relaxed, as they traveled to the castle. Maybe James would give him a chance, and he wouldn’t be stuck with just his cousins for company. Maybe, but not likely. Sirius brushed away the thought.

The castle was more beautiful than anything he’d ever seen in his life. He’d grown up around architecture so grand it hardly phased him anymore, but something about the buzz the gold archways threw into the air lit a fire inside him. A fire he he hadn’t felt in a while. He was laughing easier, tossing his long hair about, his heart seemed to beat louder beneath his robes.

The first years were ushered through a different entrance than the rest of the school, leaving him out of Narcissa and Bellatrix’s view. James was still talking behind him, explaining the differences in the houses to Remus, who had not asked but had not seemed to know what they’d been talking about. 

“We’ll all be in Gryffindor. I can feel it” James said proudly, clapping Sirius on the back and smiling pointedly in Peter’s direction. Peter gulped for air. James rolled his eyes.

“He’s convinced he’ll be a Hufflepuff,” He said, and Sirius got the feeling this was a well played out conversation between the two friends. He shrugged back, not wanting to admit to them he’d probably be in Slytherin. It wasn’t as if they didn’t know. He was a Black. He could feel Peter’s anxiety radiating off of him, and couldn’t help but feel a bit of sympathy. Maybe Peter wasn’t so bad after all.

The boys stood in a huddle of sorts as one of the Professors called them into a large hallway. He could hear her explaining the sorting process, but allowed himself to tune her out. He’d been told every detail of the sorting for as long as he could remember, and goodness knows he didn’t need a refresher on the houses. Instead he let the excitement of the other first years infect him, glancing up at the ceiling. It was a sea of stars, like the open air. It smelled like sweets and dirty gold. The breeze from outside which had kept him cool was gone, and Sirius was beginning to feel flushed. He doubted he was as red as James, but he was also considerably less excited. 

Professor McGonogall had stopped talking, and was pulling a list from her robe. Whispers fell over the crowd, as she read the name of some tall blonde boy named Simon. Sirius tried to guess which house he would be in, but the hat had shouted Hufflepuff before he could get a good look at him. It did the same for the next boy, a Ravenclaw, and the next even quicker into Hufflepuff again. Then:

“Sirius Black” 

Sirius was at the front of the room before he even realized he’d started walking. As the hat was lifted over his head, the last thing he saw was James, smiling encouragingly, and flashing him a thumbs up.

“Another Black then?” He could hear the hat whisper in his ear. Somehow the fabric managed to block the sounds out of the whole room. “That makes my job easier then” The hat made a sound like a breath, as though it was preparing to shout, but it stopped. Sirius wondered if this was taking as long as it seemed to be. _Slytherin_ he thought to himself. _That's right._

“No.” The hat said simply. “It’s not. I wasn't sure this day would ever come, but here we are. A Black in GRYFFINDOR!"

The last word echoed through his ears before he could react, and as the hat was pulled roughly from his eyes, he became aware of the table of Professors staring at him. The whole hall was staring at him. No one was clapping.

They did eventually as he stood, but it was careful. As careful as his own steps back towards James.

 _I did it_. He thought breathlessly. He did it. He could feel James pull him in for a hug as he reached the group again. He’d done it. He was Sirius Black. He was a Gryffindor. He could feel just the tiniest bit of pride begin to plant itself deep in his stomach, but it was quickly overshadowed. He was Sirius Black. He was a Gryffindor.

_My father is going to kill me._


	3. First Year: New Beginnings

He followed James and Peter to their common room in a haze, losing Remus somewhere behind them. James was talking excitedly with Peter, both of whom had also been sorted into Gryffindor, along with Remus. Peter appeared to have had the opposite reaction to Sirius. Peter had been shocked into motion, bouncing in time with James and layering his voice over the louder boys. They seemed to already know where they were going, the way Sirius would have been able to direct anyone who asked straight to the Slytherin dormitories without ever having been in them himself.

 _Dear Mum and Dad,_ he composed in his head, _I’m writing to tell you;_ to tell them what? That he had managed to destroy a legacy? That he deserved whatever punishment they saw fit? That he wasn’t quite sure who he was at the moment? 

He followed James and Peter through a hole in the wall, and up a tall winding staircase to a lofted room, with four grand canopy beds already set up. If not for the aggressive warmth and rich red curtains, it would have reminded him of his bed at home. Sirius flopped down on one, his trunk already set beside it, and pinched himself quickly on the hip. Nothing changed.

“Sirius, mate” Sirius turned his head in James’ direction. “Cheer up here, you made it into Gryffindor didn’t you?” Smiling excitedly and gesturing around him as though it were all just too good to be true. Sirius let out a prolonged groan in response, and buried his head in one of the velvet pillows. After a moment, he heard James’ clunky footsteps descende the staircase behind him, muttering something about fetching Remus.

_Dear Mum and Dad. I’m sorry?_

_“_ Write us after the Sorting,” they’d said. Chances were Narcissa and Bellatrix had already. He knew he wasn’t doing himself any favors by waiting, but the words wouldn't come. He could barely explain it to himself, how could he begin to explain it to the two least understanding people in the world. 

There was an awkward silence overtaking the room with James gone. Sirius could hear Peter pulling things from his trunk, and tripping over his own piles of clothes. He sat up to watch him fumble about, searching for something to say. 

“Hey, good for us, huh?” Peter burst out first, cheeks bulging out in Sirius’ direction. Sirius merely started at him. 

“I mean, I just can’t believe I’m here!” Peter continued. “I always thought I- well,” He blushed, “I wasn’t good enough for Gryffindor. Not like James. I mean when your whole family’s been Hufflepuff you start thinking you know what to expect. Know what I mean?” 

Sirius nodded, oddly comforted by the bumbling nature of Peter's speech. It was casual. Sirius could use some casualty right now, or better yet someone as excitable as he was. 

“I’d take being doomed to be a Hufflepuff over a Slytherin anyday” He quipped back, smiling at Peter to show he was only kidding. 

“You weren’t though. Neither was I” Peter said rather importantly. “We’re Gryffindors. Gosh mum will be so proud of me!”

Luckily Sirius didn’t have to come up with a reply to that, as he knew Peter would never have understood. The boys were interrupted by James and Remus clambering back up the staircase. James quickly sat down on Sirius’ bed beside him. 

“Cheer up mate. You didn’t want to be in Slytherin anyway, did you?” He asked. The question seemed reassuring enough, but Sirius wondered if that’s what James thought of him. He straightened up, resolving to seem a little less sullen.

“Five hundred years” He replied “Every Black at Hogwarts has been sorted into Slytherin for five hundred years,” He hoped James wouldn’t hold it against him. He didn’t ask for any of this. James threw his arm around Sirius’s shoulders.

“Well it's about time someone tried to be different, eh?” He phrased it as a question, but it was asked with such authority Sirius did not dare disagree. He met James’ eyes, seeing one eyebrow raised. _Gotcha,_ he seemed to be saying. Sirius felt a rush of appreciation, and wiggled his eyebrows back. 

The boys kept an avid conversation going as they unpacked, which Sirius found strangely comforting. He wasn’t used to background noise, but he found it made his own quick thoughts seem a lot clearer. They’d even managed to get Remus to speak, as he pointed out Sirius’ Beatles record. Sirius secretly enjoyed James and Peters confused stares as they talked about muggle music. It made him feel rather knowledgeable. 

James loved to talk about what he knew, and to make people laugh. Peter appeared more than content to laugh with him. Remus, on the other hand, spoke quickly when he got himself going, but stopped himself just as quickly as he began. It was as though he kept forgetting he didn’t want to speak. Sirius recognized that trick, it was one used by Regulus during moments of tension. He’d start to tell some story or crack a joke, and at the slightest response from Sirius he’d clam up again, spitting some angry remark and walking away, leaving the joke unfinished.

Remus had done the same, revealing the single most interesting thing Sirius had heard in his life. He’d lived in a muggle boys home, surrounded by muggle boys. _No parents,_ thought Sirius. He supposed it was rude of him to be as jealous of that as he was. 

By the time they all settled into their beds it was well past midnight, and the fire had begun to dim. Sirius felt warm. His stomach hurt a bit, not from anxiety but from laughter. He found that James’ quick humor perfectly matched his own. He was so used to explaining himself after everything he said, the moment James’ had started talking it was like his own mind shut off. James did not care what the people around him thought, nor did he have any reservations about being the loudest in the room. He almost seemed to prefer it. Sirius met his excitement level for level, tossed his hair around, and teased Peter as though he’d known him for ages. For the first time in his life, Sirius felt at ease. 

He waited until he could hear the other three breathing evenly before writing to his parents. He didn’t want to ruin their day. He suspected it meant just as much to the other boys, even Remus who had stayed sulking by himself, as it did to him. He braced himself as he pulled a spare piece of parchment from his trunk.

Dear Mum and Dad,

I’ve been sorted into Gryffindor. I’m 

He paused, having been about to write that he was sorry. Beg them to forgive him, but he could do it. He wasn’t sorry. Not at all. He was for the first time in a very long time, proud of himself.

I’ll be seeing you at Christmas. Give Regulus my love.

Your son,

Sirius O. Black

Simple enough, and yet his hands were shaking as he opened the window. He watched for a minute, his bangs blowing in the breeze as his owl flew away. He envied it a bit, it must be so free to be an owl. In the past, when Sirius had thought of freedom he’d always imagined flying away on the edge of the wind somewhere, breaking out of his house in the dead of night. Now that had changed, he realized. Right now he was feeling the most free he ever had, in a small, overheated room with no privacy. He thought then, that he must have been the luckiest Black to ever live. 

The first week before classes went quickly, and were spent almost entirely in the company of James and Peter. Sirius and James got on better than any of the other first years, and it brought a lot of confusion when James would clarify that no, he and Peter were the childhood friends. He and Sirius had met little more than a week ago. No one seemed to believe them.

Besides, if he were surrounded by little Gryiffindors, Narcissa and Bellatrix couldn’t possibly approach him. It was weak logic, but it was all he had to go on. The three boys stayed holed up in their room, playing cards or telling stories. Sirius was surprised how much he found to say when there was no one staring down their nose at him for it. 

Remus was often gone, wandering the grounds or seen going in and out of McGonagall's office. He didn’t seem to like them much anyhow. He avoided them like the plague at dinner, and was out of the dorm before the rest of the boys woke up. Sirius tried to pay it no mind, but he didn’t like feeling as though there was still someone he lived with who had it in for him. It was true he’d come to Hogwarts expecting exactly that, but now that he’d met James he was beginning to think there might actually be something to live for. 

“Friends, fun, and food” He’d said dramatically to James one day at breakfast “What more could a bloke need?” 

“Cheers to that!” James had replied, toasting his cup of orange juice high, splashing Peter in the process. 

“Oi! That’s the third time this week” Peter moaned. James waved his hand dismissively

“Blends right in, Pete, don’t worry your pretty little head about it” And he and Sirius had erupted into another fit of unfiltered laughter, Peter joining in softly after stewing for a few moments. The rest of the Gryffindors were looking at them curiously, which James and Sirius ate up. Barely more than a week in, and he and James were already a force to be reckoned with.

Peter had joked with him one night, calling it his “Black charm” as they climbed the stairs of the tower. He earned himself a quick nudge from James, who noticed Sirius’ quick pained look. He brushed it off almost instantly, saying

“Oh yeah, this pedigree’s got to be good for something!” And jogging the rest of the way up the stairs. He could hear James whisper harshly to Peter, but Sirius knew it wouldn’t be brought up again unless he made it clear it didn’t bother him. He’d make a joke of his own later, giving the other two an unspoken permission to do the same. The last thing he would let them think was that he was some sort of broken boy, with a tragic backstory part. Though the tragic backstory could be kind of thrilling, he thought, he could be a proper tortured hero. Besides, it's not as though his backstory was exactly sunny.

His parents had waited nine whole days to return his letter. They sent the family owl with their response, as the very first thing they wrote was that he had lost all claim to “such privileges” when he’d “spit in the face of a legacy” Sirius felt a pang of sadness. He supposed they’d give the owl to Regulus the next year, if they dared let him have anything of Sirius’. Still he’d picked the bird out himself, and he felt its loss deeper than he thought he would. 

The rest of the letter went as to be expected. He was useless, a disgrace to the name, his mother would deal with him personally over break. He was worthless, they wrote that twice. What chilled him more than the idea of dealing with his mother again, was that Bellatrix and Narcissa would be writing home about him. Keeping up on his behavior to make sure he stayed in line. Sirius had never truly realized just how little his parents knew him until then. If they had, they’d have known better than to tell him that. 

_If they’re going to be watching me anyhow, might as well give them a show,_ he thought bitterly. He tossed the letter in the fireplace as soon as he finished reading it, and once he could be sure the other boys were asleep, he dug to the bottom of his trunk and threw the Slytherin over top of it. It was oddly symbolic, he mused, watching the red and gold flames overtake it. He watched until the fire died well into the night, leaving the last reminder of his family's expectations nothing but a pile of ashes.


	4. First Year: Brilliant

The first week of lessons had even the older students excited. It seemed they’d forgotten how stressful it was sure to become, and practically skipped from room to room. Sirius was ready to burst out of his skin. He’d read through his textbooks the week he got them, and a few of them again the last few days. James had been bragging about how he’d read all of A History Of Magic already, and Sirius had been more than ready to tell him he’d read through them all. Twice. 

James seemed taken aback at the idea that anyone could have been more prepared than he was. It seemed as though the two boys had found one matter they didn’t completely agree on: who was more clever. It was the subject of quite a bit of banter, and Sirius found the competition refreshing. It added an edge to the conversation, a quickness to their quips that kept him on his toes. Exactly where he liked to be. 

The Gryffindor first years had all their lessons together, which Sirius was grateful for. It meant he would never end up unprotected somewhere on his way to class for his cousins to creep up on. It also made the lessons considerably more fun. 

He found the introductory spells boring. They came easily to him, having already memorized the theory of it. He managed to earn twenty points for Gryffindor from transfiguration alone. James had earned fifteen, and together they’d lost twenty more for being unable to shut up.

Sirius supposed he considered McGonagall his favorite teacher so far. She knew how to make an entrance at least. He had to respect that. She and the upperclassmen had neglected to tell any of the first years that she was an animagus, and began the class as a cat sat on her desk before transforming back to herself. Sirius wasn’t sure he could see the educational value in her little performance, but he had to admit no one dared disrespect her afterwards. The Muggleborns in particular seemed to cling to her every word, having found their teacher turning into a cat rather intimidating. Sirius glanced at Remus, who’d hidden in the back row, but he seemed as unimpressed as ever.

The only issue Sirius found with McGonagall was that she had yet to address him by name. He wasn’t stupid, he could see the way she looked at him. It was similar to the way Peter had on the train up, only it was worse from a teacher. She looked at him as though he were an anomaly. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think she was frightened of him. Not of him, rather, but what he represented. Of his family. Wherever he went, it would always come back to his bloody family wouldn't it?

He figured that out rather quickly, as most of his other teachers made some sort of face as they took roll. They seemed shocked, though they already knew about his sorting. Everyone did. Some of them raised an eyebrow, or smirked at him as though the whole situation were an incredible inside joke. Slughorn was the worst. As head of Slytherin house, and an old friend of his fathers, he’d proclaimed loudly the first day of class:

“ Quite surprised at the sorting my boy, quite surprised! I’ve had every one of the Blacks in my house since I started teaching! Shan’t take it personally, young Sirius, but I shall be expecting great things.” 

Sirius cringed to himself, as he felt everyone's eyes turn to him. It was made worse for him too, as this was their first class with the other Slytherin first years. Sirius wasn’t sure some distant cousin wasn’t sat there judging him. He averted his eyes down, thinking it unwise to glare at a teacher the first day. Particularly a teacher who was trying as hard as Slughorn to find something commendable to say to every student. Trying, but not exactly succeeding.

He could have thought up some respectful response, but the man had already moved on to fawning over having a Potter and a Pettigrew, even having something to say about Remus’s father. That surprised Sirius, he’d thought Remus was a muggleborn. He’d at least never given them a reason to think otherwise, being raised by muggles and all. 

He wondered if Slughorn merely said what all the teachers were thinking when they looked at him. That they were expecting great things. They kept giving him house points, though Sirius preferred to think that was because he was clever. He wasn’t so sure he knew what great things Slughorn was referring to. It would certainly depend who you ask, though he wasn’t even sure Slughorn meant it to be anything deeper than an introductory compliment. 

He had to stop taking every little phrase so seriously, he knew that. It was hard to help himself from searching for the hidden intentions behind everyones words. In fact, the only person he never found himself second guessing was James, but that was only because James wore his heart on his sleeve. Searching for a hidden meaning would have been a waste of energy, if you waited more than ten seconds James would tell you himself. 

Sirius disliked having class with the Slytherins. Particularly because Slughorn was big on groups of four. He said it would make for a safer potion brewing, if everyone was assigned a job.

“One to read the instructions, one to cut, one to brew, and another to assist with the safety of it all. It’s best to start small” He’d told them all, waving them to their cauldrons with a note about making sure they took turns at each step. “My job here is to make sure you're prepared for more advanced work, you know”

Sirius got the impression Slughorn did not actually enjoy teaching first years. Most of them weren’t quite ready to brown nose him yet, with the exception of a few Slytherins. He, James, and Peter ended up partnered with a Slytherin boy who seemed tolerable, and thankfully unrelated to Sirius. He had just begun to relax into reading the instructions when a crash interrupted him. 

The group's heads shot up in perfect harmony to see Remus standing over one of the snobbier Slytherin boys, fists clenched. A second Slytherin, Mulciber, grabbed Remus by the collar and punched him, allowing Severus Snape, the boy on the ground, to get to his feet. The whole class fell silent as Slughorn shouted at the two, and the muffled sounds of crying from Lily Evans, a Gryffindor girl who’d been in Remus’s group, could be heard quite clearly.

Sirius studied Remus with curiosity. Even while being yelled at, his angry expression did not falter. He looked resolved, and full of a quiet pride in himself that Sirius was fairly certain was an act. He met James eye wordlessly as Slughorn ushered them out, and the two silently agreed to lean against the door and wait. Peter realized they’d stopped walking a few seconds later and scurried over to join them. 

Mulciber was meandering past, leading a group of Slytherins down the corridor, loudly recounting the events to those who hadn’t paid attention.

“Snape here must have struck a nerve with the thick tosser” He said cruelly. “Said ‘What can’t you read?’ as if they’d even teach that in muggle school. Anyways the dunce lost it,” Snape stood proudly by his side, enjoying the attention.

“But we showed him, didn’t we mates? You don’t mess with Slytherin!” Mulciber finished. Something about this struck a nerve with Sirius. It reminded him of something Bellatrix would say, or his father about the House of Black. House loyalty was a big deal, he’d known that his whole life, yet here he was forgetting when it counted most. 

“Oi, Mulciber” Sirius shouted suddenly, ignoring the surprised gasps from James and Peter as he pushed himself off the wall. “Unless you fancy another fist to your gut, I suggest you shut it” He could practically feel James go pale behind him. Mulciber too seemed surprised that Sirius Black was speaking to him. 

“From who, you?” The bigger boy asked. Sirius took another step, addressing Snape this time. 

“You know, you may want to keep your trap shut about Lupin's intelligence, Severus” He teased, “Unless of course you can read your own way through the textbook, which we all know you can’t. Wouldn’t want to be unfair now would we? Pot calling the kettle black and all” He drawled, pronouncing his words in as posh, and presumptuous a way possible. Snape looked him up and down as though he were a bug.

“That would still make me more a Black than you, wouldn’t it? Blood traitor” He growled back. A few of the Slytherins let out amused whistles, James grabbed a surprised Sirius by the shoulder, pulling him back before he could swing. He’d never have pegged Snape as someone smart enough for any sort of wordplay, and being wrong only angered him more.

“I think Snape here’s taken enough of a beating from Gryffindor for today, don’t you all?” He asked the crowd, flashing a charismatic smile. The few Gryffindors left laughed, and began to disperse from the crowd. Severus glowered at Sirius before turning sharply. Lily Evans chased him down the hallway, muttering crossly and glancing back at the three boys.

James squeezed Sirius’ shoulder, and he offered a smile in return. They waited in silence until Remus appeared, but Sirius was far from idle. House loyalty huh? If the mere act of being a Gryffindor made him a blood traitor, so be it. He’d rather be loyal to blood traitors than Blacks any day.

That realization hit him so strongly it scared him, but he believed it with all his might. His priorities were shifting. The two boys standing next to him had shown him more kindness than his family ever had, and therefore it was only fair for them to get more of his loyalty than his family ever would again. 

Sirius used this determination to make Remus one of their group from the moment he stepped out of the doors to the potions classroom. Between himself and James, he wasn’t sure Remus could have avoided them if he wanted to, which luckily he didn’t seem to. From then on he followed them through the halls, and even sat beside Sirius at dinner the next few days. James’ way of making him feel at ease had been to treat him as he treated everyone else, like a captive audience, but Sirius thought it might be wise to show him a little more kindness than that. He went out of his way to hold doors for him, or address him by name in conversations. It was little things, but little things Sirius himself often appreciated.

They’d all avoided mentioning the fight for Remus’ pride's sake, until one evening in the common room when James burst out:

“How are we going to get them back?” No one had to ask what he meant, (well, Peter did) and it was clear he’d been stewing on it for a while. Sirius was honestly impressed he’d managed to hold it in that long. 

“Not all of them” Peter was quick to clarify, but Sirius nodded solemnly.

“All of them,” He confirmed. It was personal to him. The others wouldn’t get it. Remus might, he supposed, but James and Peter wouldn’t understand. It had to be all of them. 

Remus was staring at the books in front of him, a nervous look on his face. Sirius wondered if he’d come on too severe. It was exhausting to have to tread so carefully within his own friends. He couldn’t be too loud, or too opinionated, or it would remind Remus he was supposed to be annoyed. It wasn’t like when he and James mucked around over grades, or shoved each other about as part of an extended joke. Anger and annoyance went deeper with Remus. Sirius couldn’t for the life of him figure out why it bothered him so much.

However, Remus was much smarter than he let on. He never did his work, and wouldn’t let anyone question him about it for fear of having their head bitten off, but when it came to thinking outside the box he was easily the cleverest of them all. Even Sirius, which was something he refused to admit to himself at first. Then Remus came up with an idea for the prank, and even Sirius’ ego could no longer deny it. 

It was brilliant. It was insight only someone muggleborn, or muggle-raised at least, could offer. Rose Hips, Remus explained, were a plant that made you itch like crazy. A plant in the Hogwarts greenhouse, which was easy to seed, and might just have to make its way into the Slytherins beds. There were a lot of uncertainties, which Peter was quick to point out, particularly with getting into the Slytherin dorm, but James waved them off. Sirius figured he didn’t want to discourage Remus’ idea. Sirius thought it might be the best thing he’d ever heard.

He told him so too, while they made their way to the bathroom where Peter hid the sprouting seeds, days later.

“It was simple,” Remus shrugged, as Sirius followed him out of the portrait hole.

“It was brilliant,” Sirius corrected, “Don’t bother pretending otherwise, mate. It was better than anything James or I could think up” Remus grunted noncommittally, though Sirius could see him swell up a bit.

“Not much of a standard, I know,” Sirius offered for him. He’d noticed Remus had a habit of laughing to himself, rather than joking aloud with the rest of them. Remus snorted in agreement.

James and Peter were already in the bathroom, holding the bucket of sprouts proudly. Sirius leaned over James’ shoulder and messed up his hair. It was a brotherly gesture, which James returned as soon as Remus took the bucket from him. 

“I still don’t know how we’re going to get into the Slytherin dorms,” Sirius said, staring expectantly at James. He hadn’t told them he knew where they were, and he didn’t plan to. He didn’t want them to think for a second he lamented not being sorted there. James had kept insisting he had a plan, but if he did he wasn’t about to share it yet. Sirius wondered sometimes if James wasn’t even more dramatic than he was.  _ Between him, Pete whining, and Remus’ brooding, they’re a load of drama queens the lot of them. _ He thought to himself happily. 


	5. First Year: The Mauraders

Whatever James’ plan was, it did not involve the cover of night, which made it all the more mysterious. He’d insisted they do it before everyone went to bed, and before sunset. Sirius didn’t think James was quite bold enough to just walk in, but without any evidence to the contrary he was beginning to think he’d overestimated his friend. 

The evening they had planned came in the blink of an eye, and as they gathered in the bathroom after dinner no one was quite sure how they would continue.

“Lead the way then, Lupin,” James said smartly, allowing Remus to step out first. Sirius cursed him under his breath for making him ask.

“Show us what you’re planning first,” He conceded, waiting for James to pull out his wand. What he did instead was even better. He pushed the jar of seeds into Sirius’ hands, and pulled a large silver cloak from his pocket. He smiled like someone who knew exactly how brilliant they were, and Sirius for once couldn’t blame him. 

“You bloody haven’t.” He whispered, more to himself than to James. James merely winked, and draped the cloak over his shoulders with a flourish, disappearing underneath it. Peter was staring at the spot James had been with the same expression one might have if they’d just been told today was their birthday and Christmas all at once. 

“You jammy bastard! How come you never told me?” Sirius exclaimed, rubbing the invisibility cloak between his fingers. He let James boast for a moment, glancing at Remus who looked just as excited as the rest of them for once. 

“Lucky git” Sirius marveled again. He couldn’t believe James had managed to keep an invisibility cloak a secret for weeks. Years, if Peters disbelief was anything to go by. 

“My parents would do anything for an invisibility cloak” He said in awe. If his parents could see him using such an honorable magical artifact, owned by a Potter of all people, they’d die on the spot. It was just one more addition to a night that he could already tell would go perfectly. 

The boys walked carefully up and down the bathroom to practice, all four of them concealed underneath the cloak together. They managed to drape it so they would all stay hidden, though Remus’ height made it rather snug. They couldn’t help but giggle a little as they tripped over each other’s feet, hushing each other loudly as they began towards the dungeons.

Remus directed them as they got closer, showing James which tiles to tap to reveal the door. It was exactly as Sirius had known it would be, but he had no idea how Remus had found out. James beat him to asking.

“You come out behind one of them rugs they hang on the walls, I just looked behind it” He explained, as though it were the most simple thing in the world. 

“You mean tapestries?” Peter corrected. Sirius tried to kick him, retaliation for poor timing, but got Remus instead. James hushed them all again through a suppressed giggle, not unlike a mother hen. 

They waited there a while for some Slytherin to enter with the password, something Remus had not managed to get. Peter kept poking James in the back of the neck, trying to make him laugh, but James was far too focused on the mission at hand. Sirius could feel the other boys breath on his skin. 

It didn’t take longer than a few minutes for footsteps to appear. Unfortunately for him, they were footsteps he knew quite well, and had been trying to avoid. He prayed the others couldn’t feel him tense up as Narcissa and Bellatrix came waltzing into view. 

Narcissa was holding her sister's hand in her own, gazing at a large silver ring on Bellatrix’s finger. Sirius knew it well, it was another family heirloom his mother held over his head. He was almost relieved Rudolphus Lestrange proposed to his cousin before he could be forced to use it. Narcissa was fawning over it as though she’d never seen it before in her life, though by now everyone in the school had seen it at least twice. Anytime a seventh year got engaged before leaving Hogwarts it was a topic of conversation, but it being a Black family wedding would transform the marriage from the gossip of schoolchildren to the event of the decade. Sirius knew this, as he’d been forced to pick out a suit before Lestrange had even proposed.

“I can’t wait to get married” Narcissa was lamenting, but Bellatrix shut her down promptly, a hint of annoyance in her voice at no longer being the center of attention. She muttered something about Lucius Malfoy not being high up enough at the ministry for her yet.

_ So she’s still seeing Malfoy _ , Sirius thought,  _ well good for her then.  _ He’d never liked Lucius. He tried not to dwell on the idea of a second wedding he’d be forced to attend, as his cousins gave the password.

The boys hurried to shuffle after them before the wall could slide closed. James was walking a bit faster than the rest of them, almost leaving Remus’s legs exposed until Sirius grabbed his collar to slow him down. 

The other three seemed surprised at how dim the dormitory was, but Sirius had expected nothing less. It was decorated in every sort of ornament one could imagine, but the whole thing was lit by a few green tinted lights hanging at the top of the high ceilings. It was impractical, and gave the impression of coldness. Sirius supposed that was the point. 

James walked with purpose towards a set of stairs, passing Severus on their way, Remus huffed in his general direction.

The boys dormitories were a bit more homey, with beds similar to the Gryffindors only decorated in a rich green rather than a vibrant red. They were almost identical to Sirius’ bed at home.

“Reckon one of them is Snape’s bed?” James asked hopefully, stepping out of the cloak and beginning to pull a set of covers down. Sirius pointed to the only unmade bed out of the six they’d found.

“This one might be, looks greasy enough” They snickered to themselves, pulling their gloves on. 

Their success was short lived, as they quickly realized they’d made a grave miscalculation. The bright red seedlings stood out quite obviously against the sheets. James looked like he was about to cry. They hadn’t stood out against their own sheets when they were in the jar, but their own sheets were the same bright red color. 

“They’ll still get it on them trying to brush them out?” Sirius offered hopefully. He refused to accept defeat here.  _ Maybe they’ll be dumb enough not to notice,  _ He thought. He doubted it.

“Hang on,” Remus said sharly, glancing behind him and pulling out his wand. Sirius eyed him curiously. He waved his wand confidently, and Sirius watched in awe as he seeds disappeared much like they had under the cloak.  _ Brilliant, he is.  _ James seemed to agree, staring in stunned silence.

“How’d you do that? Flitwick hasn’t taught us that charm yet? Was it in the reading” James asked. Sirius noted the slight jealousy in his voice at the thought of Remus knowing a charm he did not. They both knew it had not been in the reading. James was even more stunned when Remus said that no, he’d just picked it up from class. Sirius wondered if Remus wasn’t enjoying James’ envy a bit.

Taking it as a bit of a personal challenge, James and Sirius each began to  _ obfuscate  _ the seeds on other beds, though they found it much more difficult than Remus had. Remus eventually took over, and before they knew it all six beds looked as though no one had been there at all. Sirius practically skipped back under the cloak.

“You’re going to show me exactly how to do that as soon as we’re back on neutral territory” He demanded lightheartedly, nudging Remus in the side with his elbow. James led them into the next room, despite protests from Peter.

“What if we haven’t even got Snape's bed yet?” Sirius asked sharply. “We have to get them all Pete. Are you with us or not?” Sirius found himself easily annoyed by Peter’s laziness. He could feel the house pride welling up inside him as they made their way through the boys dorms, and if baffled him how little Peter seemed to feel it himself. After all, he’d wanted to be in Gryffindor more than anything in the beginning. Even more than Sirius had. 

He couldn’t help wondering how different it would have been if he’d been sorted properly. Would he be waking up every day straining his eyes to do homework in the dull common room? Sleeping in a bed that was no different from his one at home, unable to avoid his cousins dodging in and out? Perhaps if he’d been in Slytherin, he’d be known merely as Bellatrix Blacks cousin, the angry, quiet boy in the corner. Sirius smiled to himself. He would have been rather like Remus, if he’d been put in Slytherin. 

He wondered if he would have woken up to the rose hips himself. If this prank would have even happened without him. He figured it would have. James and Remus came up with most of it. If he’d been in Slytherin, he would have been just another first year to target.

Perhaps that should have had him reconsidering his actions, but all it did was spur him on. He was on the right side of this war, for once, and he wouldn’t back down until all of the Slytherins knew he wasn’t like them. He’d never let himself be just another Black. 

By the time they climbed back into Gryffindor tower, Sirius felt like he was on top of the world. The light from the fireplace seemed to make the whole room come alive, and James was smiling so big he looked as though his skin would pop off his cheeks. 

“I wish I could be there when it all kicks off,” Sirius said hurriedly “and I wish even more we could have got my cousins” That was true. The idea of Bellatrix squirming around and turning red with hives sent him into another fit of laughter. He flopped onto the couch, and James dog-piled on top of him followed quickly by Peter. Remus sat down beside them and watched bemused. They didn’t bother going up to their beds that night, merely stayed like that huddled together on the common room couch until morning.

When they finally awoke, Sirius felt rather stiff, but that didn’t stop him from jumping off the couch, shoving the others off him. 

“Wake up sunshine!” He chirped in James’ ear as they all stretched to their feet. They appeared to be the first ones awake, and having the empty common room to themselves would have been a blessing any other day. Today, however, they had places to be. 

“Race you!” Sirius cried, taking off down the corridors, hearing James not far behind him. They arrived at the empty great hall in seconds, finding the tables already set. Sirius was too excited to eat, and was content to watch Remus prepare his toast instead. He was spreading four separate toppings on different corners. Sirius almost reminded him the bread at Hogwarts was practically never ending, but thought better of it. By the time the Slytherins came in, Remus’ breakfast was the last thing on his mind.

The Slytherins did not make any sort of entrance, nor did they seem to be in any real discomfort, but the boys watched them with a hungry intensity anyways. It did not take long for one of the third year boys to start shifting in his seat. After that it was like floodgates had opened, with another boy vigorously scratching his leg, another rubbing his ear in annoyance. The more students that entered, the less they tried to hide it, with almost all the boys moaning and squirming around, some were even scratching each other. One sixth year went as far as to rip off his robes, leaving his bare chest exposed before breaking down into tears. Sirius could not seem to catch his breath between bouts of laughter, each reaction better than the last. 

Snape was one of the last to arrive, looking more reserved than Sirius had ever seen him. He seemed to be one of the few who’d had a reaction on his face. His large nose was looking rather like a boil, with large red bumps covering it and making it swell.

“Snivellus!” James called out. Snape turned around and glared at them with a passion that would have been frightening if his whole body had not been such a bright shade of pink. Sirius could not believe their luck. He searched for the right words, any sort of clever insult, but nothing would have done this justice.

“Looking good!” He settled on, erupting with James again. 

That day the whole school seemed to become one unified front against the Slytherins. No one knew who’d done it, but not a single Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, or Hufflepuff could find any reason to fault them.

By the time the day was over, there were hundreds of theories surfacing. Some thought it must have been one of the girls, as they were left alone, others thought perhaps they’d all done it to themselves. They always loved attention. One theory went as far as to suggest a teacher had slipped them something to cost them an upcoming quidditch match. Sirius joined in as many of these theories as he could, often topping them with his own.

“I think obviously there's been some ministry interference here” he said presumptuously to a Ravenclaw third year in the hall. The boy gave him an odd look and carried on, leaving Sirius and his friends cackling behind him. Making their way back to the dorms, they tried to settle down, to no avail. Sirius had wanted to celebrate, but Remus had detentions and Sirius insisted it wouldn’t be fair to rejoice without him. He’d gotten himself more detentions so fat than James and Sirius combined, which Sirius couldn’t help but be impressed by.

The remaining three waited in the common room for him to return, with James and Peter getting into a prolonged game of chess. Sirius relaxed into watching them steadily move the pieces. He’d put a record on, one he’d listened to with his cousin Andromeda years ago. It put him at ease, thinking of the only times he’d enjoyed spending time with family. Andromeda had written to him again after the sorting, telling him she was proud. Andromeda had been a Hufflepuff herself, and was every bit a blood traitor as one could be in the eyes of their family. Sirius loved her for it. He’d made it through almost all the tracks by the time Remus returned, though Peter and James had made almost no progress with their game.

This was the prank that kept on giving, having got Remus out of one of his detentions and, Remus reported, Snape into the hospital wing. Apparently Remus had run into Evans on his way and she’d filled him in. He saw James perk up at the mention of her, and rolled his eyes.

“This might be the most important day of our lives!” He declared, changing the subject. He meant it too, it was certainly one of the best he’d ever had. “This is the day we became legends! The day our friendship was forged in the fire of itching powder!” He looked at Remus as he said this, hoping by now he’d stop recoiling when James or Sirius referred to the group as “friends”.

“They don’t know it was us do they?” Peter asked. Remus shook his head

“Slughorn recons it was a Slytherin girl-” Sirius nodded wisely, that seemed to be the popular theory. Then Remus continued, saying something that struck Sirius as the most brilliant thing he’d said yet.

“-Or a gang of marauders,” 

Sirius jumped up. It was perfect! He needed something to call himself, something other than Sirius Black, heir of the ancient and noble house of Black. Sirius Black, Marauder sounded much more like something Mark Twain would have written. It was brilliant. Once again, Remus had proved himself brilliant, though inadvertently this time.

“That’s it! Raise your glasses boys” He said, standing. Peter stopped fussing with his chess set to stare at him confused. James seemed willing to run with it.

“But we don’t have glasses” He said, as though it were all one extended joke. 

“Just pretend,” Sirius insisted, raising his arm high. “From this day forward, we are the Marauders!” James gave him an awestruck look, clearly thinking it a great idea. Standing on top of the couch with his friends looking up at him made Sirius feel on top of the world. Remus gave a sharp laugh, but not even his cynicism could bring Sirius down right then. Besides, he could tell even through Remus’ quips, he was just as excited as James and Peter were. 

“Marauders” James tried it out. “I like it!” He stood up as well, his empty hand reaching up to join Sirius’. Peter followed, and even Remus couldn’t keep the smile off his face, as they stood there in an imaginary toast. Without cups they looked like they were saluting each other, which Sirius found oddly fitting considering they’d just won a battle of sorts. Marauders: one, Slytherins: zero. Though the marauders knew it was only the beginning. 


	6. First Year: Watchful Eye

“Where’s he gone now?” Sirius asked, making curiosity with annoyance. Curfew had just passed, and Remus still had not returned from his detention. James lowered the book he was reading.

“How should I know?” He deadpanned, sounding rather groggy. Sirius shrugged, trying to pretend he didn’t care one way or another. He did, in fact, care. He, James, and Peter dove headfirst into their friendship, committing to the marauders with all they had, while Remus still seemed to forget he had friends at all.

“I don’t know mate, you’re the one always badgering him” Sirius replied testily. James groaned, clearly hoping Sirius would have let this go by now. 

“I’ve told you already, it’s not my fault I try to be friendly. Now will you let it rest? I’m trying to read.” Offense slipped into James’ tone, as he side-eyed his friend. Sirius felt a slight pang of regret. He and James had been trying so hard to stay upbeat around Remus, they’d begun to let their tempers out on each other. 

“No need to be like that. It was only a question,” Sirius said. He mumbled an apology, and James said nothing more of it, though Sirius could tell he was beating himself up. He kept looking at Sirius guiltily, hating to lose his temper without good reason. James seemed to think he could charm anyone, if he only tried hard enough, and any lapse was taken as a personal failure. They sat in thick silence, the only sound that of James turning a page.

“Oi, Pete, got an owl” James said, with exaggerated cheer in his voice as he glanced out the window of their dorm. Peter jumped up to meet the large speckled bird, eager to shift focus. He tore open the attached envelope, his face falling as he read.

“What's the matter?” asked Sirius. Peter tossed the letter onto his bed.

“It’s my mum's birthday this weekend. I was supposed to meet her in Hogsmeade, but she couldn’t get off after all. She only just found out” He looked on the verge of tears, and Sirius was at a loss. James, however, gave Peter a reassuring smile.

“It’ll work out mate. Give her more time to miss you before we raise hell Christmas holidays, yeah?” He joked, placing a hand on Peter's shoulder. Peter did not laugh, but he did give a small smile of agreement before excusing himself to the bathroom.

‘I-er-is he?” Sirius asked James lamely, their bickering already forgotten. James nodded, waving his hand dismissively.

“Oh he’ll be fine, just gets like this sometimes. In his head and all. He and his mum have always been close” 

“Ah” was all Sirius could come up with in return. James eyed him curiously. 

“What about you?” The question was carefully asked, intentionally downplayed. Sirius braced himself.

“What about me?” 

“Your mum, are you two close?” James widened his eyes innocently, but Sirius could see the gears turning behind them. He felt the inappropriate urge to laugh, his face going red as he pushed it down.

“Nah. Not at all” He said simply. James nodded, but gave no other reaction. He only furrowed his brow. Sirius met his gaze with all the nonchalance he could manage.

“What's she like then?” Said James finally. His curiosity had gotten the better of him, though he did have the decency to lower his voice. Sirius considered his answer. He did not much feel like explaining anything to do with his mother. Her quiet footsteps, her harsh stare, her shrill voice going;

 _“You must learn discipline, Sirius”_ He grimaced.

“She’s a right pureblooded bitch” He declared, hoping James would be able to infer what he meant. James started a moment longer, taking in his obvious discomfort before nodding in understanding. He’d grown up in the same pureblood circles Sirius had, he of all people would know how cruel they could be, if they felt it justified. 

“We should do something of worth this weekend” James clapped his hands sharply, changing the subject. “Cheer Peter up” 

Sirius straightened up, pushing all thoughts of his family out of his mind and flashing James a mischievous grin.

“Well he did say something about Hogsmeade, did he not?”

“Right on! I bet Remus could come up with a plan” James looked thrilled that Sirius was at ease again, and the two hurriedly agreed not to say a word to Peter until they could consult with Remus.

“Better to leave him surprised. He’s a sucker for surprises” James had whispered, before a subdued Peter emerged from the bathroom. He went straight to his bed without another word, and James followed soon after, their breath evening out within minutes. 

Sirius couldn’t sleep. He waited until he could hear James and Peter snoring before slipping out of his bed towards the windowsill. The night air was refreshingly cool, snapping his mind into focus. Not the best way to tire himself out, he reasoned, but it was the one habit from home he had yet to break. Whenever it all got too much, he would slip out of his window onto the bit of roof below, watching muggle London with longing.

Distantly he thought of Regulus, who joined him from time to time, and wondered if he missed him. Probably not. Things were sure to be calmer without him around. He pushed the thought of his brother out as quickly as it had come. With it came thoughts of his mother, and he had enough of those to last a lifetime.

Damn James. Had to be so diplomatic about it. He’d put the reminder into Sirius’ head and moved on, leaving him stuck with it for the rest of the night.

Sirius’ eyes drifted from the sky back into their dark room, a spot in his vision where the full moon had been. Remus’ empty bed was nothing but a silhouette. Sirius stared at it until his eyes adjusted to the light, unable to come to a single conclusion.

Remus had still not returned by the next morning, and even Peter couldn’t ignore it. The remaining marauders hurried to the great hall, theorizing as they went. 

“Maybe he’s ill. He was a few weeks ago too, wasn’t he?” Peter asked. 

“Well we ought to go check the hospital wing then” James said this like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “He’s our fellow marauder isn’t he? He’d do the same for us!” He added sharply as Peter and Sirius both groaned, gazing longingly in the direction of breakfast. 

Sirius felt a slight pang of guilt. He was, after all, a marauder. For all the fuss he’d made about brotherhood, he hadn’t exactly been holding up his end of the bargain. Without another protest he followed James in the direction of the hospital wing, increasing his stride so he was then the one leading the way. 

In the end, they didn’t have to go far. They caught Remus in the hall, carrying his books under his arm. He looked exhausted.

“What happened to you then?” Peter asked bluntly. James shot him a look. Sirius bit his tongue, doubting Remus was likely to answer any questions. He looked a mess. His robes were rumbled, the little hair he had was sticking up at odd angles, his eyes were blackened with bags, and most notably; he wore the same angry expression he had that first day on the Hogwarts Express.

“M’fine” he answered Peter, and just as Sirius thought, he did not say another word through breakfast, or at all until they reached their first class. He hadn’t brought any work for McGonagall, which in itself was not unusual, but caught Sirius’ attention nonetheless. He did not apologize, just sat there staring off into space as McGonagall collected their essays. She passed Remus and gave him an assuring smile. 

“How about we turn it in next class, full credit, shall we Mr. Lupin?” She tried to whisper, but her voice was so shrill they could not help overhearing her. They exchanged looks, and Remus very pointedly did not turn in their direction the rest of the class.

He seemed to liven up a bit in charms, though he still refused to answer anything about the night before. Sirius knew when something was a lost cause, and instead decided to watch from afar, and wait for him to let something slip.


	7. First Year: Secrets

“Absolutely not,” Remus gaped at James and Sirius as though they had two heads.

“Why not!” Sirius whined back, while James pouted for moral support.

“It's impossible, to start with” Remus sounded incredulous at the mere suggestion. “How would we even  _ get _ to Hogsmeade?” Sirius stared sheepishly at the library table in front of them.

“Well, erm, we were kind of hoping you’d come up with that bit” Remus let out an exasperated sigh, and James cut in.

“We just wanted to do something charitable! You know, give Peter a nice surprise?” He winked at Remus, who remained unimpressed.

“Right. Well I’ve already got detention all week and I don’t fancy getting any more because of you lot,” He grunted, though he didn’t seem nearly as frustrated as he was pretending to be.

“Please?” Sirius drawled.

“Pretty please?” Repeated James

“We’ll steal your idea, and won’t give you any credit at all, promise!”

Remus raised his eyes off the blank parchment he was holding.

“No,” He insisted. “But we can do something here-only because you won’t give it a rest!” He added as James and Sirius exchanged triumphant high fives. They quickly sobered up, smirking at the ground as Peter entered the common room, still looking cross.

“How was your chat with McGonagall?” James asked quickly, sensing Sirius’ urge to giggle.

“Rotten. Apparently I’m not applying myself” Peter threw his head down on the table. “I put in more work than you two! God this weeks unfair” He said into his elbow. Sirius shot Remus a knowing look.

“Join me in the land of the thick then” Remus added, with as much encouragement as he’d ever had. He sighed, and began to roll up his parchment. He still hadn’t written a word. “I’m done, I’ll see you upstairs” He said, and took off, most likely not wanting to be left talking Peter down from anything. Sirius watched him until he disappeared up the stairs. 

Sirius stayed watching him the next few days, but instead of getting any answers he just became more puzzled. He couldn’t be quite sure what drew him to Remus. Perhaps it was the secrets he was so obviously keeping.

Growing up, Regulus hadn’t been able to keep anything from him. He’d spent all his energy picking him apart until he caved, and they’d laugh about it later. Eventually he began unraveling the whole family’s secrets, realizing far too young that nothing would ever be as it seemed. Even James and Peter wore their hearts on their sleeves. Dealing with Remus meant facing a rather frustrating truth: he didn’t know everything.

“Remus, pass me Peters essay will you?” James said absently one night. Sirius jerked his head up, and watched as Remus faltered. James cocked his head.

“Earth to Lupin. I want to edit it for him. Might as well do something nice since  _ someone _ wouldn’t let us sneak him out to Hogsmeade” He teased. Peter exhaled from his nose, having been told of the original plan in a very eloquent letter from James and Sirius attached to a bag of candy from Honeydukes. Remus had suggested it as a backup, and the others reluctantly agreed. 

“It was a stupid idea,” Remus grumbled back. He shuffled through the scrolls in front of them, though he didn’t really seem to be looking at them at all.

“His transfiguration essay,” James clarified, reaching over Sirius and grabbing it from Remus’ hands. “Cheers,” Remus unclenched his jaw, and exhaled, turning back to his own ever blank assignments.

“Why don’t you just write nonsense?” Sirius suggested, watching his response carefully. “Gotta be better than nothing, right?” Remus shook his head sharply. 

“Not worth the bother” 

Sirius made a skeptical sound, but did not press the matter. 

The following night, however, was the same thing. Remus twirling his quill around, doing nothing. Peter whinging over it all, and an oblivious James trying to help him. Curiously enough Remus seemed better at that, once again recreating a spell from class perfectly. Only by now James had got over his jealousy enough to be impressed. 

“You should be a teacher, Remus” He said, and Sirius suppressed a laugh as Remus of all people went red in the face. He watched as James once again requested Remus hand him something or another. He floundered for a moment before clearing his throat. He made no move to grab anything.

Sirius leaned across the table carefully and tapped the cover of the book James had requested, being sure to avoid eye contact. Sirius’ mind was turning, curiously reminded of what Snape had said before Remus punched him. 

_ “What, can’t you read?”  _

What if Snape had been right? Sirius hated the very thought, but he had to admit it made sense. Remus clearly wasn’t stupid. He picked up spells quicker than the rest of them, even James, and yet he was failing almost everything. He’d thought it was just laziness, or some of that deep rooted spite Remus seemed to take with him everywhere, but what if he couldn’t do it? 

He didn’t dare bring it up, not until they were alone. He spent the meantime trying to come up with a way to broach the subject.

_“So, can you read?”_ Was too abrasive, but then again that was probably the safest route with Remus. Anything less and he’d probably just weasel his way out of the conversation. You had to be direct with him, because he certainly wasn’t going to offer anything of his own. As a matter of fact he seemed to think he was some mysterious fellow, not to be messed with. Sirius wasn’t convinced. He was sure he’d be easy to read if he could only figure out what he was looking for.

All that was left was to wait. Unfortunately, Remus’ powers of observation extended beyond the classroom, as he’d started avoiding Sirius any opportunity he got. It took over a week before they had a moment alone.

“Reckon we could make it next year?” James asked, watching the Gryffindor quidditch team clear the pitch in time for they’re flying lesson. 

“Got as good a shot as anyone” Sirius replied, slightly less mesmerized. It was true. Sirius knew how to fly in theory, but his parents had never let him out to practice much, so he was as surprised as everyone else when he quickly became one of the best in their class. He was neck and neck with James, whom Madam Hooch had sarcastically called “Gifted,” more than once. 

Madam Hooch had them racing that day, and he and James were almost an entire run of the pitch ahead of everyone else, when they passed Remus, lapping him. James paid it no mind, shooting past him and everyone else ahead, but Sirius - who’d been losing slightly anyways- skidded to a stop. 

Finally, Remus couldn’t get away from him, not unless he was willing to land early and get the whole class in trouble, or fly ahead, in which case Sirius would just follow. It was perfect. 

Remus did not seem pleased to have company, but Sirius ignored his rough tone, teasing him until he could see the outline of a smile appear on Remus’ face. 

“Can’t punch me up here, unless you want to let go of your broom” He grinned. Remus glared at him.

“God, you’re annoying”

“Yep!” Sirius enjoyed the banter. It came naturally to him, and was a large part of why he and James got on so well. 

They descended together after another lap, poking and prodding each other brooms, Remus, as much as he hated flying, did not seem too concerned for Sirius’ wellbeing and gave him no choice but to go for the kill. He knocked into Remus’ broom violently and sent them both tumbling to the ground. 

Sirius landed headfirst in a puddle and stood up cackling, he yanked Remus to his feet, hoping to god the other boy found their muddy state funny too. Much to Sirius’ delight, Madam Hooch sent them off to clean up, leaving Remus alone with him whether he liked it or not. Here was his chance.

He stayed in the showers a few moments after hearing Remus get out, working up some courage before he turned the tap and stepped out at last, taking a deep breath and turning to Remus.

_ Oh.  _ Was the first thing that came to mind. Remus was shirtless, though hurriedly trying to cover himself. To cover his scar, rather. He had a long fading scar across his chest, from his collarbone to his nipple. It was jagged, and raised still. Sirius took a sharp breath.

“What’s that?” He asked quickly, all too aware of his voice raising an octave. Remus buttoned his shirt hurriedly, looking strangely vulnerable. Sirius had been wrong. He’d been so wrong he felt like yelling aloud at himself.  _ How could he have missed it?  _

The answer was simple: he hadn’t thought it possible. His family made him feel so alone it never occurred to him there could be others who - well, others like him. 

_ It should have _ , he thought desperately. Remus talked about his childhood about as much as Sirius, which was to say not at all. He was so angry at everything, Sirius didn’t give it a second thought when he shut down at any mention of it. It was just another thing he wouldn’t talk about. 

_ And I was so focused on his bloody schoolwork.  _ Sirius thought. He didn’t know what to say.

“It’s… did it happen to you at the home? Where you grew up?” he was barely above a whisper. He did not blink, and neither did Remus. A moment of understanding passed between the two boys. Sirius felt as though he couldn’t breath. Remus nodded silently, and Sirius was sure he could see a hundred memories flash through his eyes. He was cringing to himself, frightened. He’d probably thought this whole time that he was alone too.

“I’ve got scars”

Sirius told him what he swore he wouldn’t tell anyone. He didn’t say it very loudly, but Remus’ eyes widened just the same. Quickly, so he didn’t have time to rethink it, Sirius bent down and rolled up his trouser leg. He did not look at Remus when he turned around. He didn’t want any indication of how bad it looked through someone else's eyes. 

He straightened himself out after just a few seconds, and just stood there. He was waiting for something, though he didn’t know what. Remus made eye contact with him, and Sirius was determined not to break it. This was different then when James had asked after him. He didn’t have to hide anything. They stayed like that for more than a full minute, frozen, saying a million things without having to open their mouths. 

_ Don’t look away.  _ Sirius told himself.  _ You're not ashamed.  _ That was a lie, he was very much ashamed of himself, but Remus did not seem to be. He seemed set to prove he was strong, and so Sirius would too. He felt like a little boy again under Remus’ gaze. His mothers voice echoed in his head.

_ “I will not raise a coward.” _

He would not be a coward. If Remus could withstand whoever it was that slashed his chest, who was he to act the victim over a few careful scars? When at last Sirius blinked away, he vowed to himself he’d never complain about anything in front of Remus Lupin ever again.


	8. First Year: Bellatrix

The walk back to the quidditch pitch was silent, Sirius shuffled his feet the whole way. They sat in the stands a few feet apart, and Sirius was very careful to make sure their legs didn’t brush against each other as they settled in. He watched the rest of the class with feigned interest. His absence had left the spot of second best up for grabs, and it hadn’t taken long for Lily Evans to fill it. She was a foot or so ahead of James, though considerably less graceful, her red hair flying behind her almost as long as the end of her broom. James’ eyes were glued to her back.

“Remus?” Sirius asked abruptly, as Madam Hooch gave the class a parting speech. 

“Yeah?” 

What the hell. They’d just basically bared their souls to each other, understandably making Sirius forget about his original theory. What harm was there to asking now? Couldn’t possibly be more upsetting, and besides, he was still fairly sure he was right.

“You can’t read, can you?” Remus sighed, though he looked surprised. He rolled his shoulders back nervously.

“Nah”

“I won’t tell anyone” Sirius was quick to swear, and he gave Remus a beaming grin. For once, Remus returned it.

For the next week, Sirius still struggled to catch Remus on his own. He assumed he was just self conscious. He would have said embarrassed but he couldn’t seem to imagine Remus that way. Now that Remus had confirmed his suspicions, he watched him even closer. 

It baffled him, how Remus managed to get by in class. He picked things up after only one demonstration, and his spellwork was far smoother than anyone's. It was mesmerizing, to watch him flick his wand so naturally. If he did even a fraction of the work outside class he’d easily best them all, and maybe even Lily Evans. 

“How have you been _doing_ it?” He erupted at last one evening. James and Peter had gone to watch a quidditch practice, and at last they were alone again.

“Sirius, I haven’t been doing it. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m in detention every night” Remus sounded exasperated. This was true, and a large part of why it had taken so long to talk. Sirius waved him off. He could be so frustrating sometimes, refusing to have any imagination when it came to his own abilities. 

“If you could read, you’d be as good as me and James. Better probably.” He told him what he’d been thinking this whole time, hoping it would inspire any amount of confidence. If it did, Remus didn’t show it. Sirius’ mind got ahead of him, and he had to be called back to focus at a quip from Remus.

“I bet there’s a spell for it” He said aloud, mostly to himself. Remus laughed, and Sirius shook his head rapidly, refocusing. 

“You’re going to cure me with a spell” Remus sounded amused, and very skeptical, but Sirius didn’t share his cynicism.

“Why not?”

He had an answer for every one of Remus’ protests, meeting them all with the same confident grin until Remus was forced to give up. 

“Why are you so interested anyways?” He asked finally. _Ah, so that’s it._ Sirius realized with a pang. He recognized the tone of distrust, it was the same one he’d taken the night of the sorting while James tried to be a friend. He puffed out his chest.

“You’re my fellow Marauder! We can’t have you in detention every day, what if the Slytherins strike back? We’ll need your evil mind for pranks,” He grinned as an idea struck him.

“Speaking of, I’m assuming you haven’t done your history homework yet?” He asked. Remus shook his head.

“Nope” He cocked his head, trying to figure Sirius out. Sirius grabbed his History of Magic book, ignoring Remus’ protests.

“You’re not doing it for me!” He insisted, full of pride. Sirius snorted.

“Too bloody right, I’m not. I just fancied refreshing my memory, that's all. So I’m going to sit here and read it aloud, because it helps _me_ study. And if you happen to retain some of it in that enormous brain of yours, then there’s not much I can do about it.” He finished. He smirked, gradually widening his smile until he was flashing his teeth. He had him. 

Remus gave a few more obligatory grumbles, and they began. Sirius found himself pulled into the words, retelling the stories the way he used to read to Regulus as a kid. He hadn’t been lying. He did study better aloud, he just hadn’t gotten much chance to do so. 

He found he understood things better read aloud. The history lessons became more than just words on a page. He could study them fine, but he’d take any chance he could to make them come alive. He felt himself taken away, raising and lowering his voice with each chapter. He went on for hours, enjoying his brief escape from reality, until at last, during the final chapter on Roman battle magic, Tiberius’ voice cracked as he explained his inventions. Sirius paused and took his first deep breath in hours.

Remus had his head down, and Sirius wasn’t entirely sure he’d heard anything for the last half hour, but it didn’t matter. He felt floaty like he’d just had a massage, or a good row. 

He didn’t even mind listening to James go on about quidditch at dinner that night. 

“The beaters are a bit slow, and they’re not at all in sync with each other. We’re going to lose to Ravenclaw if they don’t up their game” He said, superiority dripping from each word. Beside him Peter nodded in agreement. The two went back and forth a bit, if you could call it that when all Peter did was agree. Remus and Sirius sent each other a knowing look, which made Sirius feel rather warm. He liked feeling like he and Remus could be a little pair, same as he and James tended to be. 

Not even the house elves pudding could have ruined his mood, he and James flicked it at each other until Peter finished what was left, trading them some sweets his mum had sent in return. 

Sirius felt that warm feeling again, tingling his skin and flushing through his entire body. He scratched his arm, and James mirrored him. He could feel a bit of an itch on his leg as well but didn’t dare reach down to scratch it in public. He furrowed his brow as he saw James shuffling around in his seat. He looked a bit like the Slytherins had, he thought, laughing to himself.

His laughter was cut short by the sound of Remus jumping to his feet so sharply he knocked over his cup of water. Sirius widened his eyes, and grabbed a fizzing whizbee wrapper desperately. Remus seemed to be growing hair on his face before their eyes, and as he turned his head he could see James was as well.

“Peter” He snapped, the situation quickly dawning on him as he scratched at his arm some more. “Are you sure your mum sent those sweets?” 

Peter went red in the face, and started sputtering as James began to shout at him. The entire great hall had been gradually taking note, and giggling could be heard all around them as they rushed to Madame Pomfrey. Sirius shot a glare at the Slytherin table as he left, greeted by the smug face of Severus Snape, laughing louder and uglier than the rest of them.

Madame Pomfrey didn’t need long to sort them out, lecturing them the whole time.

“Magic can be as dangerous as any muggle weapon, if you’re set on misusing it. You’re all first years, you should know better than to put yourselves in danger. I ought to fetch the headmaster now, show him what you’ve been up to” She snapped.

Remus hung his head, clearly ashamed. Sirius shook his arms out. The hair was now gone but he could still feel a faint itching. They were going to pay for this.

“It had to be Severus” He growled, remembering the look on his face. “He coated the sweets in one of his potions, I know it” Snape could have done it too, he was certainly good enough. It was the only class he’d managed to come out ahead of James and Sirius in.

James was quick to agree, though he didn’t get to form much of a plan over Peter’s hysteric apologies.

“I demand retribution!” Sirius insisted, and they all couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. This was sure to mean war. 

Even Peter didn’t groan for once, joining in the dramatics wholeheartedly. Remus offered no ideas just yet, but he too shared their healthy appreciation for revenge. The thought of another prank was almost enough to lift his spirits, when the night truly went from dampened to dismal. 

_Leave it to Bellatrix,_ he later thought. Ruining things seemed a specialty of hers. She caught them just as they were about to climb through the portrait hole, calling his name in her cold voice that still made him shiver. She reminded him an awful lot of his mother, Bellatrix.

“What do you want?” He mumbled, averting his eyes to keep from showing his fear. He hunched in on himself instinctively as she pulled out her wand, blood rushing to his feet.

“Come here, or I’ll make you” She said as though it were simple. “And it won’t be a childish little hair growth charm either” She said the last part like a joke that she knew only she would find funny. He’d been on the other side of her wand enough times to know she wasn’t kidding at all.

James took a step forward with him, but Sirius shook his head. James would only make it worse with his mouth, and she wouldn’t hesitate to curse him. He wasn’t their family, and worse still his own was full of blood-traitors. Sirius walked forward alone, still refusing to meet his cousins eyes.

“Well?” He asked, when they were out of earshot to his friends. She tutted her tongue.

“Best not disrespect me Sirius. You’re on thin enough ice as it is,” Sirius let out a defeated sigh.

“What do you wish to discuss, Bellatrix?” He said finally, spitting out as much sarcasm as he dared.

“Your birthday” She replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“My birthday” He repeated lamely.

“Yes, Sirius, your birthday. Tea at four. For traditions sake. It may benefit you to spend some time with your family, on such an important day.” No part of her proposal was phrased as a question. She raised an eyebrow, but it was not in good nature like when James did. It was threatening

He tried desperately to think of a loophole. Birthdays in the Black family were typically celebrated with a long afternoon tea for the entire family, and when the birthday was that of the heir; _long_ tended to be emphasized. He braced himself.

“I don’t think-” He started to say, but cut himself off as she fiddled with her wand intentionally.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It _will_ do you good.” She declared. He nodded mutely, feeling utterly powerless to argue. When she didn’t speak, he glanced up, and realized she was waiting for a verbal reply.

“Certainly” He whispered. She smiled without any warmth. 

“Wonderful. I’ll write your mother at once, share the good news,” She was locking him in, and they both knew it. “Perhaps there’ll be hope for you yet” She added, shooting a disgusted look at his friends, who were still standing anxiously outside the entrance to Gryffindor tower.

Sirius did not answer her, but then he was not meant to. She gave him a final warning look before turning her back dramatically.

“I look forward to it,” She said before taking off. Right. Probably about as much as he was. He walked slowly back to his friends, picking at his nails beneath his robe sleeves. They all were at a loss for words.

“Alright, Sirius?” James asked first. Sirius nodded, retelling the encounter in the simplest terms possible. They wouldn’t understand the years of subtext bubbling up, except maybe Remus, and he didn’t feel like explaining anyway. 

James lit up at the mention of a birthday, swearing they’d do something special. He seemed surprised that Sirius’ hadn’t mentioned it yet, though it should have been easy to understand why. 

Sirius sat at the window a while that night, letting his frightened tears fall hours after the fact. Bellatrix was as awful as the rest of them. Last time he’d been alone with her, she’d hexed him for crying. That memory was particularly painful now, having learned his lesson. Sirius had just been starting to think he might be able to stand up to his mother, at least some of his family. _How wonderful it felt to be proved wrong._  
  
  



	9. First Year: Twelve

Sirius fought off the increasing dread he felt by burying himself in books. The pit in his stomach kept him awake most nights, so he’d fallen into his own routine. Once the others fell asleep, he’d plug in his earbuds and let David Bowie’s voice fill his head. He always worked better with background noise, though he often found himself distracted by the music. 

When he was able to focus, he dug into the pile he’d taken from the library. Madam Pince had frowned at him when he checked them out, looking him up and down in disbelief. He supposed he did look rather funny, a first year carrying a stack of O.W.L. books as tall as he was. 

Sirius was like a dog with a bone when he got an idea in his head. He practiced every night on himself, trying to combine spells. At first he’d thought he could modify a vision charm, but the problem didn’t seem to be Remus’ eyesight. He couldn’t quite tell  _ what  _ the problem was, though he quickly ruled out Remus’ intelligence. 

It was a tricky puzzle, and it consumed Sirius’ thoughts. He’d grown rather good at combining charms through his practicing, even managing to light a fire only visible to himself, but none of it worked on  _ Remus.  _ Sirius did not mind the feeling of obsession. As long as he was preoccupied with these charms, he didn’t have any room to worry about his birthday.

The only downside was he wasn't giving himself much room for his own school work either. He’d been studying alone more often, so he could do research away from James’ nagging, but it made it much harder to focus on anything he didn’t want to. Even when he was around the other marauders, he found himself wildly off topic. The only times he accomplished anything these days was when he read aloud to Remus, and could escape into the way he did his music.

_ “Incendio”  _ Sirius whispered, glancing at his friends' beds as the fire began to glow. He slipped his headphones on, staring at the ceiling in thought. He’d been listening to Abbey Road, a gift for his last birthday from his cousin Andromeda, so loudly he hadn’t heard James get up until he felt a poke at his shoulder. Sirius jumped, hitting pause on the record player in one swift move.

“Oi! Warn a fellow” He said sharply, keeping his voice down. 

“Sorry! Just noticed you up still” James shrugged. “Everything all right, then?” Sirius paused, while James studied him with concern.

“Yeah, yeah I’m alright” He said finally. James didn’t move.

“You sure? Because if you weren’t-” He stopped awkwardly “Well you know you could tell me, and all. I’d listen” Sirius knew he would, too, he just didn’t know where to begin.

“Is it Remus?” James pressed, and Sirius raised his eyebrow in surprise. “Don’t feel too bad mate, he’s besting me too. Who’d have thought he had a brain like that in there, huh?”

_ Oh, _ Sirius realized,  _ he means in class _ . Remus had been raising his hand more and more, now that Sirius helped him understand the material, and in the last week he’d earned more house points that Sirius and James combined. Personally he found it rather rewarding, but he silently thanked James for giving him something to latch on to.

“Yeah, I mean I’m proud of him and all, it's just a bit of a surprise” He said. James nodded knowingly.

“I know, and I get it, I mean of all times for him to-” James stopped himself. “It’s just a surprise.” 

Sirius hated when he did that. James rarely checked his words, but when he did it was typically because he felt he had some great moral reason for discretion.

“Of all times for him to what?” 

James sighed.

“I just meant, I know you’re struggling a bit- not that anyone blames you!- just I understand if you’re a bit put off” He looked away sheepishly. Sirius had been falling behind a bit, not enough to fail by any means, but enough that even the teachers had begun to shoot him either disappointed or sympathetic looks, depending on the class. 

“I’m not put off,” He said, feeling himself get a bit whiny. James cocked his head, as if to say “ _ don’t be ridiculous”  _

“Right, well then I suppose you’ll be joining us to study again soon?” He said, a taunting look in his eye. Sirius hadn’t realized his time spent researching had come off as intentional, and his face warmed with guilt.

“No, no! I mean, yes, I will. I’ve just been… preoccupied?” He stammered. He could see a lightbulb go off in James’ mind, though he doubted it was for the right reasons.

“Right, shit, Sirius. I forgot about your birthday,” 

That was a lie, James had done nothing but tease him about it since he’d found out, threatening to slug him for every year he’d been alive first thing in the morning.

“I- will it be okay? The tea?” He continued.  _ Ah, right, the tea. _ None of them had brought it up since it had been arranged, and Sirius certainly hadn’t offered anything. Still, James was looking at him with more care than he’d ever been on the receiving end of, and Sirius could feel himself giving in slightly.

“I don’t know,” He admitted. He’d never let James see this side of him before, even Remus had only got a glimpse, but it was too late to stop now. He wanted to let it out.

“I’m scared. It’s Bellatrix, you never know what she’ll do,” James threw an arm around his shoulder and sat next to him on the bed.

“Well, what if I went with you?” James offered, but Sirius once again declined.

“It’ll make it worse. Honestly, I should just keep my mouth shut and it’ll all be fine. But I-”

“You’re not very good at that.” James finished for him, shoving him good naturedly.

“Hey! I could be, if I wanted. I’d just hate to give them the satisfaction,” he managed a small smile, which James returned.

“I’ll make the rest of the day worth it then,” James insisted, “We’ll play quidditch, I’ll have mum send up some sweets- oh shove off she’d be happy to-” He said at Sirius protests, “I’ll even let you have all the attention for once, how’s that?”

Sirius could not refuse, he merely laughed and slapped James on the shoulder. He couldn’t put into words the appreciation he felt for his best friend then. For all the sarcasm and the big talk he gave, he certainly knew how to make people feel at ease. For the first time in days, Sirius fell asleep minutes after putting out the fireplace, the comforting tunes of  _ Abbey Road _ drifting their way into his dreams.

James was not kidding about making it a day to remember. The day of his birthday, Sirius was awoke by a thick pillow to the face. His muffled cry of surprise sent James and Peter, who’d gathered around his bed, into a fit of laughter, which he joined in as soon as he caught his breath. 

“Happy birthday!” Peter cried, handing him a large parcel full of sweets. “I checked them all first, don’t worry!” He added. They finished most of the bag before they even arrived at the great hall. 

James waited until the hall was almost full before standing up, and stepping onto his chair. 

“Ahoy! Listen here folks!” He shouted, loud as he could. The Gryffindor table turned their eyes, with Peter hurriedly shushing anyone who dared whisper.

“Today is a very important day!” James announced, raising a finger “Today is young Sirius Blacks twelfth birthday, and I think it only fitting we should give him a song? Yeah?” He gestured to the crowd, and the table erupted in cheers. “Right then! Here we go-”

By the third round of ‘Happy Birthday’ the Hufflepuff table had joined in too, by the fourth the switched to ‘For he’s a Jolly Good Fellow’ led by Peter, to keep everyone interested. McGonogall, who’d joined in at first, finally had enough, threatening them with detentions if they didn’t stop.

“Mr. Longbottom! You’re a prefect, and I expect you to act like one!” She cried over the noise as Frank Longbottom started another chorus, winking at Sirius.

They walked to class breathlessly, stomachs aching with laughter.

“So much for letting me have all the attention mate!” Sirius said, James stuck his nose up with exaggerated confidence.

“Well I couldn’t let you have all the fun, could I?” 

“Bastard”

“Back at ya’ Black,”

Remus hadn’t come to class that morning, much to Sirius’ dismay. He’d been hoping to show him his birthday present from Andromeda. The owl had come last night, carrying a new record for him, along with a letter saying how proud she was of him.

Remus had mentioned  _ The Rolling Stones _ before, though Sirius couldn’t remember if he liked them. Sirius himself had never listened. The album Andromeda had sent was brand new and apparently a huge hit with muggle teens. He’d wait till tonight to listen, he decided, give Remus a little more time to show himself.

By lunch he was still absent, and Sirius, James, and Peter made their way down to the quidditch pitch without him. Madam Hooch gave him a pat on the back as she handed him a broom.

It was an excellent match, James against him and Peter. They won, though he suspected James had let them. They stayed flying a while after, enjoying the crisp air that was just starting to feel like winter. Sirius didn’t ever want to come down. 

“Well, mate,” James said, tossing a snitch into the air. “How's that for a birthday?” Sirius grinned and flew up to grab it. 

“Passable, I suppose,” He joked. He hoped James could tell how much he appreciated it. So far it had been his best birthday to date, though that could change soon enough.

It was just starting to turn to cloudy when they walked off the pitch, James kept the snitch in his pocket, telling Madam Hooch it had flown away. 

“You gonna be okay?” James asked. Sirius shrugged. 

“If I don’t make it back, tell Pete I love him, and tell Remus he’s a prat for never saying goodbye,” He said dramatically, trying to make a big joke out of the whole thing.

“I’ll make sure they write ‘Sirius Black, second rate quidditch player’ on your tombstone”

“I just beat you, didn’t I!” He cried out.

“Sure, but try doing it again,” James smirked at him.

“I’d do it if I could. Be a much more pleasant evening.” Sirius sobered up again, studying the old brick patterns in the castle wall.

“I know. It’ll be alright, Sirius. I promise, now buck up!” James said reassuringly. Sirius didn’t see how he could possibly promise a thing like that. James clapped him on the back, racing him all the way back to the common room. He tried to hold on to the feeling of his hair blowing behind him.

An hour later, Bellatrix pushed open the door to the Slytherin common room with ease, ushering him inside. It was dark as it had been weeks before, and much emptier. He wasn’t sure where all the other students had gone, but he knew better than to ask questions. Narcissa sat on a chair towards the back next to a large fireplace, a platter of tea and biscuits in front of her.

“Sirius,'' She said graciously, or more graciously than Bellatrix had been “Lovely of you to join us” He gave her a polite nod before taking his seat across from them both.

“How’ve your classes been?” She asked, sounding sincere. Bellatrix rolled her eyes. 

“Fine, thanks. How's Malfoy?” Sirius smirked. Narcissa blushed with embarrassment.

“He’s fine. As is Rudolphus,” Bellatraix answered cooly for her. “I think it'd be wise of you not to discuss the company we keep, unless of course you have anything you’d like to share?” Sirius shrunk under her gaze. 

“I was just trying to be bloody nice,” He muttered under his breath. 

“What was that?”

“Nothing. What can we talk about then? Or shall we just sit here in silence,” He was feeling exceptionally bold for someone who was alone in a large empty room with them, but he couldn’t help himself. His annoyance was bubbling up inside him, tensing his shoulders and mucking up his thoughts. He didn’t want to be here any more than they seemed to. He wanted to be with James, and make his friend wipe that stupid sympathetic look off his face.

“We can talk about whatever you like, it is your birthday after all,” Narcissa replied, her voice low with warning.

“Right.” Sirius repressed the urge to roll his eyes when he noticed Bellatrix’s wand sitting conspicuously on the table next to the food. He grabbed a biscuit, chewing so he didn’t have to speak. They sat in a thick silence that dragged on for minutes.

“Your brother said to pass on birthday wishes” Bellatrix said casually. Sirius sighed.

“Written you, has he? Good for him then. Glad to see he hasn’t forgotten  _ all  _ his family” He pretended it didn’t hurt, knowing Regulus had purposely not written him. He supposed that’s why Bellatrix had mentioned it. He tried telling himself it was only because their mother wasn’t letting him, but he couldn’t be sure that was the truth. In all honesty she’d probably welcome his influence on Sirius.  _ Glad to know he loves me. _

“Last I checked, that was always your problem, wasn’t it Sirius?” Narcissa asked sarcastically. He glared at her.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He snapped. Bellatrix tilted her head.

“What, you really want to argue with her? Have loads of family time this term, did we?” She mocked. “No, you’re spending all your time with that blood-traitor Potter boy. Your mother was so disappointed to hear”

Sirius' eyes widened, and he met his cousin's stare, fully aware of how terrified he looked. 

“You’ve been writing Mum” He whispered. Bellatrix nodded, pleased with herself. 

“Of course, did you think she was lying to you? How insulting” Bellatrix added. Vaguely, Sirius remembered the letter from the first week of school. It was the last time anyone in his family had tried to contact him. He’d been so quick to be rid of them. He hadn’t imagined Bellatrix would have actually wasted her time reporting back. Clearly he’d underestimated the effects of his betrayal.

“She of course wanted to hear every detail of your life as a  _ Gryffindor,”  _ Bellatrix carried on. “I was only too happy to tell her about all your new friends, and the adventures you’ve been getting up to. Brilliant work on the rose hip, by the way. Your father would have been proud if he weren’t so disgusted” 

Sirius’ breath caught in his chest.  _ She didn’t!  _ He thought desperately, but one look at his cousin's face told him she did.

“You can’t prove that was me!” He cried out. Bellatrix and Narcissa exchanged a look before bursting into a cruel laughter.

“Do you deny it?” Narcissa asked between breaths. “Please, Sirius, who else would it have been?” He did not answer, merely slumped over in his chair, brushing crumbs off his dress robes. They’d requested he dress formally, making him feel rather like an animal being prettied up for show before being slaughtered. 

He couldn’t take any more of this. He stood up abruptly, stopping his cousins in their taunts. Bellatrix stood with him, picking up her wand. 

“Where do you think you’re going.” This, as usual, was not a question. 

“Sirius, sit,” Narcissa demanded. “We haven’t even dined yet.” Sirius did not care.

“I don’t have to deal with you,’ He growled, stepping away from the table. He ducked as Bellatrix sent a silent curse over his shoulder. It hit a decorative vase on the mantle, shattering it into pieces that crunched under his feet.

Bellatrix raised her wand again, a rage on her face that sent chills down his spine, but Narcissa tugged on her robe. Sirius froze as she murmured something, and Bellatrix slowly placed her wand back on the table. Her blazing eyes softened, and her mouth twisted into a rather Walburga-like grin.

“Go then.” She said simply, and Sirius gladly obeyed, making it almost to the door when he heard her shout to him.

“I’m sure your mother will be most curious as to how this went. You two can discuss it at Christmas,” Sirius' legs went numb, but he forced himself not to stop or react as he burst back into the dungeon hallway. He walked back to Gryffindor tower like he was underwater, his cousin's words ringing in his ears.

It wasn’t fair. It was his birthday, for Merlin's sake, and here he was alone again. The common room was thankfully empty, with all the other Gryffindors at dinner by now, and Sirius let the tears he’d been holding back spill out as he climbed the stairs to his dorm.

James was sitting on his bed reading, but he jumped up as Sirius entered the room.

“I thought I’d wait for you- Sirius?” He asked. His face was full of shock as he realized Sirius was crying.

“Hey, come here, mate, it's all right. Sod them then. Not worth another thought” He insisted, pulling Sirius into his arms. Sirius let himself be dragged to the bed like a doll, still not entirely sure why he was crying. His whole body shook as he buried his face in his pillow, James’ left a reassuring hand on his back. 

_ Sod them.  _ He tried to tell himself. Easy for James to say. He didn’t have a family to face over break. A family he’d apparently disappointed beyond belief with his very existence, to the point even his own brother wanted nothing to do with him. 

They stayed like that a while, Sirius muffling himself with the pillow until they heard footsteps climbing up the stairs. The sound snapped Sirius into action. He sat up, drying his eyes quickly, exchanging a panicked look with James. He cleared his throat.

“Can we-?”

“Already forgotten.” James agreed, squeezing his shoulder, covering it up with a good-natured shove as Remus and Peter emerged up the stairs together.

“Sirius!” Remus sounded surprised. “Happy birthday, I’m sorry I missed it. I was ill and I couldn’t-” Sirius brushed off his explanation, any annoyance forgotten.

“Doesn’t matter. I want to show you something,” He gave James one final smile behind Remus’ back as he quickly pulled out his record player.

“Guess I’m just the best friend a bloke could have then,” James announced. “I expect a prize,” 

Sirius laughed, and let his heartbeat fall into rhythm with the drums as the album began, Remus gushing in the background.

“I hadn’t heard this one yet, it's new you know. Some boys were talking about it over the summer, but I never heard it except through the wall-”

This is where he belonged. Here, in this room with Peter choking on a jellybean, Remus tapping his fingers against his bed, and James singing off key to a record he’d never heard before. He pushed back another round of tears as he looked around at the marauders, thanking god had a whole month until he had to be Sirius Black again.


End file.
